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Author
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Topic: Inside Tea Bagger's Hell: The Life of a Battered Husband
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Tea Bagger
Sarge
Member # 97
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posted 01-06-2005 10:57 AM
    
Yeah, I know I’m setting myself up for major flaming. I’ve done it to others in the past, and I’m sure I’ll do it again in the future. Anyone that posts personal feelings & dealings on the web is nuts, in my opinion. Well, I guess it’s time for me to give a little back to the community…I reveal very little to you people, as I do with most of the people I deal with in real life. Some of you may know a little more than others, but I’ll give a quick background and a little of the current events: I was a single custodial parent to two young boys for about 6 years.
I chose not to date much for most of the six years.
I began dating a very close friend of mine about 3 years ago.
We were married this past July.
We renovated my ranch house to support the larger family (she has 2).
A week after we were married she took a medical leave of absence from her job (she makes as much as I do, which was very critical to getting the mortgage we needed).
She was diagnosed with some type of stress thinger disorder.
She has been out of work since that time.
I think she is bipolar.
I am afraid of her, because of what she could do to hurt me (my kids).
She has physically hit me two times in the past six months.
She hit me with her fist (holding a phone) last night.
I tried to leave but she has my oldest son (12) so confused he doesn’t know what to do.
We have arguments about twice a week, or more.
I usually concede to avoid a huge blow up. -I learned long ago it is not wise to argue with a crazy person.
We usually fight about my youngest son (9).
He was raised by me, a guy.
He does stupid shit that boys do.
I have come along way with expecting more from him- with my wife’s guidance.
Yesterday he came home with dirty hands and face.
She went ballistic.
I tried to be as supportive as humanly possible.
She can’t shut the fuck up when my kids do something to her disliking.
She asked me what I was gonna do about it.
I asked her to step in another room- away from the kids.
She refused. She likes an audience.
I asked her if we were talking about “hand washing”.
All hell broke loose.
She snapped.
I was only home for 12 seconds before this issue of hand washing came up.
We argued for some time.
Like I said, she can’t shut the fuckup.
When things seemed to get under control she starts up again.
She starts telling the children all about their mother- things that are very inappropriate for children their ages.
My instinct was to protect my children.
I went to leave.
She would not let my oldest come with me- he’s torn, he wants a family very badly.
I said the cops would be coming to get my son- her kids start screaming.
I said they would probably shoot her. Yes, that was my mistake.
She did not immediately react to my comment.
We continued to argue.
I packed a bag.
She pushed me into a wall and punched me on the side of my face.
I could have (maybe should have) gone to the police, but I did not.
For some reason I did not want to blow this whole thing up, yet…
I believe she has a mental illness.
She has been in therapy for the past six months.
I took vows to take care of her.
She has been one of my best friends for almost 10 years.
I am a loyal bastard.
I deeply love her.
I am still in disbelief. I think I am suffering from the same shit that battered women deal with. You know, like why don’t I just leave??? This is fucked up. I am fucked up. I think I need to talk to someone experienced with this sort of shit. Why did I just tell all you peoples this stuff???
Posts: 1320 | From: IP: Logged | Registered: Jun 1999 | IP: Logged
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AcidWarp
Sarge
Member # 997
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posted 01-07-2005 11:10 PM
I know someone that is bi-polar, she finally got help, and they found a mix of meds and counselling that is really helping her. I saw her last about a month ago, and she smiled for the first time that I can remember.TB, what that Mute guy said. -------------------- “I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.” “Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.” --Dr. Stephen Hawking.
Posts: 4363 | From: Waterloo, Ontario | Registered: Nov 1999 | IP: Logged
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Cyborg6
Sarge
Member # 1382
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posted 01-08-2005 02:27 AM
I see hitting as the end of the line. If she thinks it's ok to hit you she is an abuser and needs to go away. Can you get the looney wagon to come pick her up and take her away. Sounds like she needs quiet time away from everyone. Maybe she can find out what is making her so angry.Does she come from a background of sexual or physical abuse? I'm sorry but if she is hurting your little ones I would remove her from your home! How do you argue with her? Do you say things to piss her off? Does it really have anything to do with you? Duuuuude this sux.
Posts: 2869 | From: | Registered: Dec 1999 | IP: Logged
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Cyborg6
Sarge
Member # 1382
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posted 01-10-2005 01:47 PM
I just had a flash-thought of Gotta Woody and the second lady in his life was it??? Is this the one you married Tea? It always amazes me how people get comfortable with each other than feel it is ok to let loose. Ellen and I starting hurting each other but we recently decided to make a conscious effort to be good to each other again. Fighting sucks and is so fucking childish and counter productive. If you need anything, or even want to talk give me a call young fellah. I am always around, you here me???  Try to fix what you got and if it is beyond repair move on, you and your children are a solid functional unit. Can you pay the mortgage alone? Remember, I talked to the real you!  [ 01-10-2005: Message edited by: Cyborg6 ]
Posts: 2869 | From: | Registered: Dec 1999 | IP: Logged
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Cacophonous
Sarge
Member # 19
Member Rated:
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posted 01-10-2005 02:08 PM
Cyborg - I hate to admit it but it was me pranking you on the phone. TB - If this is a serious post then she should see a doctor and get on medicine. Today there are amazing things they can do for bi-polar as well as other mental disorders. My ex-drummer Dave was fine as long as he stayed on his medicine and he was bi-polar. Once he started cracking then later shooting heroin he stopped taking his medicine and well now he is dead. Maybe he is not a good example... -------------------- ...
Posts: 5571 | From: Yes | Registered: Jun 1999 | IP: Logged
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Tea Bagger
Sarge
Member # 97
Member Rated:
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posted 01-10-2005 03:06 PM
Yes, this is a seroious post- I don't blame you for asking. Yes, this is gotta woody's second wife I am speaking of.Let me describe my wife for you. I'm sure y'all know someone similar. These are words that best describe her:
extremely personable
extremely sweet
extremely sincere
extremely loving
extremely caring
vicious
hyper
perfectionist
over-achiever She has had a rough life, especially with her alcoholic mother. We fight more than I like. It amazes me what kind of trivial shit bothers her. Not just with me, but with the whole world. Do I say things that piss her off- sure. But, not until she loses control. I am very even keeled. Nothing bothers me that I can't handle. When rational thinking is impossible for her I resort to sarcasm. I throw all that fictional world bullshit at her, which really stirs her up. Seriously though, sometimes I feel like I'm living in bizarro world- like where people say "hello" when they're leaving. She's been in therapy for 6 months. She says they have identified some issues. She knows she's very angry. I never heard her say bi-polar though. I've done my research, and I can't believe the doctor hasn't mentioned that yet. But I do know she is extremely smart. Bi-polars do not want to give it up that easily. She is probably working this doctor to identify everything but the real problem. I tried calling her doctor. I left him a message stating that I wanted to talk to him confidentially. Fucker told my wife I called. We talked a lot this weekend. I was honest and forthright. She signed up at a gym. She went back to work today. Oh, she's been on some anti-anxiety drug for six months. Cy, I may call you. I might need to talk to someone with no strings... Thanks, fellas.
Posts: 1320 | From: IP: Logged | Registered: Jun 1999 | IP: Logged
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Obsidian
Sarge
Member # 3162
Rate Member
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posted 01-10-2005 04:34 PM
I was thinking the same thing about me and my gf...I have a mixed bag of emotions. She snaps at me for the smallest little thing. She has panic attacks on a rather regular basis. It is that kind of emotional baggage I can't deal with. I don't have the highest level of self-esteem as it is...I cannot maintain it for two of us. I often think of leaving her, yet I do not want to hurt her. So I find it easier to tolerate it. I know that is bad because it will blow up in my face and it is doin neither of us anygood. She does not know the extent of my unhappiness and carries on while it builds within me. Twice we have had a pregnancy scare. While I love her immensely, as each day passes, I feel we are not meant to be anything other than friends and the fact that a child could have entered the picture scared the shit out of me....for I was raised to do the honourable thing; but the honourable thing is not necessarily the RIGHT thing. Last night she asked if I was getting bored with us, because "she is". Funny thing is I would never say that to her for fear of hurting her....and while it is exactly the way I feel, I felt hurt she said it to me. Maybe it is more normal than I thought for people to stay in relationships that drive you crazy. [ 01-10-2005: Message edited by: Obsidian ] -------------------- 
Posts: 48 | From: | Registered: Dec 2004 | IP: Logged
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jondster
Sarge
Member # 109
Member Rated:
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posted 01-11-2005 11:01 AM
My wife is bi-polar. It's controllable.BUT THE FIRST THING IS TO GET HER & YOUR ASS IN TO COUNCILING. THEN the problem can be referred to a psych that can write a 'script. -------------------- No Sig
Posts: 2128 | From: Cascade MI USA | Registered: Jun 1999 | IP: Logged
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Mad Max
Sarge
Member # 622
Member Rated:
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posted 01-11-2005 01:07 PM
I have read many things above that sounds a little similar to my life but let me stress right now, not nearly to the same degree. My wife gets upset at the smallest thing and then blows up (sometimes) and then later she's back to normal again like nothing had ever happened. She is definitely highly strung, of that there is no doubt. She also has a tiny tumor on he petuitary gland that she takes medication to control. The only problem is she hasn't taken her medication for years since her prescription ran out and she won't go to the Dr. since "she'll just tell me to lose weight". I think that's a pretty irresposnsible way of looking at your health, she should bite the bullet and get her meds. I think she needs something else to control her anxiety. Maybe this is just normal life but I would say that my wife says, "I'm so aggrevated" daily. That doesn't sound bad but when I think about it I never say that, I don't let small things get to me but she does and sometimes, not too often, it ends up in a stupid fight. Here's an example from New Years 2003. We were going to our friends house for a party but one of my wife's car headlamps was blown. We couldn't take my car because it's a stick and she can't drive a stick so it HAD to be her car. I didn't want us being stopped by the cops because of a blown headlamp so I tried to fix it. I had bought a bulb the day before but didn't realise I had been given the wrong one until I tried to fit it.  I figured I may as well see if it is the bulb that is blown by replacing the blown one with the good one but that didn't work either. Worse still, when I replace the working bulb in it's holder it didn't work either!??!?! Shit, no lights at all. The way I see it I was trying to help out to ensure as smooth a journey as possible. She didn't agree, got all pissed off, started shouting, said she may as well kill herself and go on about how shit her life is. All because of a New Years party. In the end we went in my car and left it at our friends house. Problem VERY easily solved and not worth the BS. It truly amazed me to hear her go off about how shite her life was. That's just what a husband wants to hear, right? On top of that we moved into a new house just 7 months prior to that. We had finally gotten out of the shithole condo that we had been in for 5 years, life was good. If that was a one-off event then I wouldn't be so concerned but it bothers me that it happens from time to time. Is that what being married is all about? I don't want to make it sound bad, it's not, and it's no where near as stressful as what some of you guys have been through but since the topic was brought up I though I would throw in my $0.02.-------------------- Miss you guys.
Posts: 1487 | From: | Registered: Aug 1999 | IP: Logged
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doublefresh
Sarge
Member # 26
Member Rated:
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posted 01-14-2005 01:32 PM
Bipolar, ADD, Schizophrenic, Acute Brief Psychoses, Bizarre Delusions... I just lump it all into one, CRAZY!If the girl is extra CRAZY just get out of the situation. My first wife was especially crazy and I left her. Luckily there were no children envolved. My current wife is only slightly CRAZY. I can deal with slightly CRAZY. As far as therapy, I've been there twice and it did nothing for me. In order for it to work you have to give it a chance. I was not willing to, and most CRAZY people will not be willing to either. In my skewed opinion most of therapy is common sence. We are all somewhat crazy from the way our parent brought us up.
Maybe our parents were mean, maybe they gave you too much, maybe they yelled at you. People should just get over it. We have nothing to bitch about compared to people in Rawanda, Iraq, or the Indian coast. If the two of you can't get along, and it does not seem realistic to mend the problems, trade her in on the next model.
It took me five or six years but I rarely think about my X wife anymore. It's just a chapter that I try not to dwell upon.
Posts: 1824 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 1999 | IP: Logged
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